What [Some] Men Really Want

What [Some] Men Really Want

February 24, 2014 |  by  |  Life & Romance, UR Men

Glamour: Sometimes we girls need a manual to you guys. So let me ask you the eternal “are you going to respect me if we have sex on the first date?” question.

Michael B. Jordan: No. No. Maybe…but a little less.

Recently, I found myself in a match-maker setup. A friend introduced me to the friend of a guy she’s been dating and we all went out for drinks on a Tuesday night. He and I hit it off: had some good conversation, enough touching to solidify interest, and of course an exchange of phone numbers. The kicker here is my friend was planning a romantic getaway to the Poconos that very same weekend, and intended for me to come with this guy I just met. Not only had we not been on an official date—out for drinks is pretty much a meet-and-greet to me in this case—but what the hell would I look like going on an overnight trip with a guy I hadn’t really gotten to know yet? I mean, if I was still in college and it was spring break, the “rules” would be much more lax, but as a grown woman seeking something possibly long-term, that rushed rendezvous in the Poconos was a huge “No, thanks!”

Michael B. Jordan’s point of view on sex on the first date set some women aflame, but he stated his opinion according to his standards and expectations of a woman. As women, if we expect chivalry shouldn’t we insist on being a lady, especially on a first date with someone in whom we see relationship potential? After all, first impressions are everything, and casual sex translates to something not to be taken seriously. To make matters more complicated, if you do sleep with a man on the first date he may infer that you do so all the time.

Perhaps “respect” in this instance refers to how seriously one can be taken. I mean, the structure of a meaningful relationship is not typically grounded on the basis of a one night stand or booty call relationship. Some chemistry is strictly sexual—no conversation or spark outside the physical – but if this is the case, the only thing to be respected is the parameters of said relationship. When I decided against putting myself in a vulnerable situation by taking that overnight trip to the Poconos, I explained to the guy why I felt that way. To my surprise he understood, kept in touch and invited me out on an actual date. Now ladies, that is an assertion of true respect.

The argument that men are natural hunters may explain a lot as well. From the time hormones and the rules of attraction take over, a man has the basic instinct to pursue the opposite sex. Whether he’s searching for a “friend with benefits,” a girlfriend, or a wife, most men know what they are expecting from either relationship. The longer the hunt or longer you make them chase you, the more interesting you become to them.

What it comes down to is this: as long as we refuse to accept one another’s perspectives the battle of the sexes will remain futile. When dating, most men welcome whatever they can get even if the victory is short-lived. Some women swear by the three date rule or some other form of restraint. By the same token, there are men and women out here who are searching for something more, only they can’t figure out how to get it. Michael B. Jordan knows what he wants and made it known during the interview with Glamour. The big question to ask yourself is what do you want? If it’s a relationship, start from day one to promote longevity. Otherwise, giving it up on the first date could plummet your shot at something lasting.

Aisha A. Boyd is a connoisseur of all things relevant to the undiluted palate. Follow her on Twitter @theQueenPen (Aisha Ayana) and look out for her exciting upcoming blog.


  1. I’ll have to say i would agree 100%. I switched my mind set in my mid 20’s. Knew something had to change within myself in order for me to find an actual “wife”. The thing is……since its our animalistic nature to hunt, we kind of get caught in the game and most times don’t know when to cut it off. It always helps when a woman actually knows how to be a lady too……..being a lady is truly a lost art in today’s society. That really needs to change if women expect to be taken serious. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand PERIOD!

  2. This guy chased me for one whole year! Now I think he’s possessed Lol However, with no standards, you will get what you put out. I’m just too damn busy for something full blown… *SMH

  3. I completely agree! In the course of making a guy wait, you make possible a couple of things. Firstly, while sex is off topic, genuine conversation will be a given. This will give him the opportunity to get to know you, the real you that goes beyond physical attraction. Vice versa, you will also have some time to feel him out- what are his desires, interests, etc. Like the author says, the guy in her incident respected her decision not to jump the gun. So much so, that he decided to ask her on another (official) date. I myself have been in a long-term relationship in which I met my boyfriend when we both were teens. Unlike the normal, hormonal teenage boy, my boo barely brought up sex during our countless “get to know you” conversations. This self-control and his level of maturity made me want him in more ways than one. Needless to say, we both got what we wanted from each other , and our time spent getting to know each other has led to a love that is still going strong! This is not to knock the game of guys and girls alike who do engage in one night stands. If both parties are satisfied by those relations, then they should go for it. In any case, know what you want, and play to win.

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